I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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