Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
