Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
