I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
