He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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