remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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