I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
