You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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