i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
