Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
