carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
