i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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