Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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