pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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