i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
