I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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