I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
