At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
