OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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