I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
