i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize