I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
