so that wasnt chicken after all
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize