Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
