you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
