I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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