Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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