Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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