No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
