ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
