he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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