i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
