Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize