i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
