why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
