Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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