Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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