How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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