Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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