so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
