So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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