So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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