In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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