i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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