I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
