i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize