Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
