I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
