It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
