Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
