I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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