Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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