I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
