So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
