I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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