he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
