Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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