just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
