How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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