she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
