No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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