very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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