I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
