I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
