He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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