She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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