i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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