oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize