She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found puke in my bra..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
