we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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