I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
