You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
