I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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