Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
