No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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