whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
