I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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