made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
