I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
