is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
