Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
