Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
